Thursday, April 30, 2009

Magic Eye for Magic Inspiration Blog

Click below to experience all the majestical pain of a Magic Eye picture. Can you find the hidden specialness behind the vast array of words? I really hope you can.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Screenwriting Gold Blog

This may or may not be funny to you. It depends on a few things, such as, if you write screenplays (one aspect of the comedy), find hilarity in absurdity (another aspect of the comedy), and finally, can appreciate black humor (probably the mosts poignant of the aspects of comedy). If you can honestly say yes to any or all three of the merits of criteria then you'll be in for a delightful treat of genuine hilarity, or "A Gallon of Guffaws" as I'm so adamant about labeling it.

Ball's Out: The Screenplay

Rummage through the god-awful, early 90's, Angel-Fire style homepage and you'll find the script. Give them your two cents and let them know if you feel like you've any compassion left after reading this opus.

Of course, this film will never be made. How could it? A lot of humor is in the narrative and slug lines. You can't film "CAPE motherfucking COD". It's impossible to visualize the blinding radiance that is the "sheer intensity" of Tom Cruise.

But God Damn! do I ever wish it was possible.

By reading this, I was able to conjure up a horde of mental images that compelled me to further my screenplay writing. Not to the absurd level of this script, mind you, but just because it follows the basic formula of a "rise and fall of..." film. Once you see structure done in this way, it's not hard to write something in all seriousness. In all the seriousness Mr. Cruise musters when he saves people from Danger. He fucking hates Danger.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Smack My Bitch Up Blog

This leprechaun looking dude beat the shit out of a hooker the other day. I couldn't be happier, really, for it brought to mind a movie that I truly enjoy. I'm talking about Cape Fear! I'm pretty sure I've posted a blog about it already, but I feel not like rummaging through the past, but foraging towards the future!

Cape Fear was initially a black & white movie from 1962. It featured Robert Mitchum, one of the world's greatest stoners, and Gregory Peck, one of the world's foremost "fatherly figures". Odd seeing the two go at it onscreen, like a battle of good and evil, heaven and hell, and all that dandy stuff. Oddly enough, Mitchum is such a lynx when it comes to being suave that although he was the villian, I was rooting for him. He'll do that to ya.

Overall, I appreciated this film slighter more than the remake. Only slightly though. Don't get me wrong, I love Scorsese! I love DeNiro! I love them together! Together they've created many modern masterpieces that have stirred my imagination and sparked my creativity. But let's go hillbilly route here, i.e. "if it ain't broke den ya dont fix 'er". Which is cliche, yes, but true.

Anyways, back to the modern Cape Fear and it's occurance to me through a contemporary shenanigan. Something that seems to be more and more frequent amongst people that get a tongue in the cup of fame. People who becomes celebrities for nonexisting talents (anyone off The Hills, Tila Tequila, Nick Canon, I'm seeing an MTV trend here). Today's case in point, brought to you by ShamWow: The ShamWow guy!!!!!

Did he feel famous enough to not get his tongue bit off by a dirty pirate hooker? Hookers don't discriminate, just so ya know. And believe me, I know!

Here is the damage done to her:

Whoa doggie! Ouch, right?

Here is the damage done to him. Keep in mind, she bit his tongue and wouldn't let go. He had to use the sheer force of a male fist to pry himself loose.

So anyways, my whole point was that there was a scene in the Scorsese/DeNiro Cape Fear where Max Cady (DeNiro) is making a sweet sexy time to lovley lady. Overcome with ecstasy, Ol' Bobby opts to climax with a chunk of her cheek. No, not a facial, mind you. He fucking BIT OFF HER CHEEK. Kinda like a Cradle of Filth show, if you're askin' me. But don't ask me, I don't listen to that sick shit.

So, I'm just finding out that this cat ain't gon be doin no jail time. That's right, he's a motherfuckin P.I.M.P. Isn't he though? He must be a huge Prodigy fan.