Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Smack My Bitch Up Blog

This leprechaun looking dude beat the shit out of a hooker the other day. I couldn't be happier, really, for it brought to mind a movie that I truly enjoy. I'm talking about Cape Fear! I'm pretty sure I've posted a blog about it already, but I feel not like rummaging through the past, but foraging towards the future!

Cape Fear was initially a black & white movie from 1962. It featured Robert Mitchum, one of the world's greatest stoners, and Gregory Peck, one of the world's foremost "fatherly figures". Odd seeing the two go at it onscreen, like a battle of good and evil, heaven and hell, and all that dandy stuff. Oddly enough, Mitchum is such a lynx when it comes to being suave that although he was the villian, I was rooting for him. He'll do that to ya.

Overall, I appreciated this film slighter more than the remake. Only slightly though. Don't get me wrong, I love Scorsese! I love DeNiro! I love them together! Together they've created many modern masterpieces that have stirred my imagination and sparked my creativity. But let's go hillbilly route here, i.e. "if it ain't broke den ya dont fix 'er". Which is cliche, yes, but true.

Anyways, back to the modern Cape Fear and it's occurance to me through a contemporary shenanigan. Something that seems to be more and more frequent amongst people that get a tongue in the cup of fame. People who becomes celebrities for nonexisting talents (anyone off The Hills, Tila Tequila, Nick Canon, I'm seeing an MTV trend here). Today's case in point, brought to you by ShamWow: The ShamWow guy!!!!!

Did he feel famous enough to not get his tongue bit off by a dirty pirate hooker? Hookers don't discriminate, just so ya know. And believe me, I know!

Here is the damage done to her:

Whoa doggie! Ouch, right?

Here is the damage done to him. Keep in mind, she bit his tongue and wouldn't let go. He had to use the sheer force of a male fist to pry himself loose.

So anyways, my whole point was that there was a scene in the Scorsese/DeNiro Cape Fear where Max Cady (DeNiro) is making a sweet sexy time to lovley lady. Overcome with ecstasy, Ol' Bobby opts to climax with a chunk of her cheek. No, not a facial, mind you. He fucking BIT OFF HER CHEEK. Kinda like a Cradle of Filth show, if you're askin' me. But don't ask me, I don't listen to that sick shit.

So, I'm just finding out that this cat ain't gon be doin no jail time. That's right, he's a motherfuckin P.I.M.P. Isn't he though? He must be a huge Prodigy fan.


ScreenwritingforHollywood said...

Hey, you are back blogging, and badder than ever!

My gawd, this is a gnarly one. Scary!!!! Gross. Ack. People live like this? What the F?

Cape Fear is a great movie.

Anonymous said...

A few days ago my friend mentioned Cape Fear when I brought up Robert Mitchum in Dead Man and other western films. I still have to see. I love that shamwow guys voice...reminds me of Steve Buscemi.

Sophie said...

holy shit, that cape fear thing reminded me of this article - i don't know if you've seen it before, but YOU HAVE GOT TO READ IT. it's amazing.

hellobethie said...

that girl looks amazing.